Trauma is a Natural Hazard of Relationships; It's Not Them It's You
Imagine you live underwater. Not just underwater, but in a relatively small space, where everything you've ever wanted or needed has been readily available to you your entire life. You don't have to do any hard work, you're almost completely comfortable, and any pain or discomfort you've experienced has been mild and shortlived. Someone's voice is always there, always the same voice, a perpetual and familiar presence. This is your entire life.
Now imagine that one day, your safe space, your home, the place where you get everything you want and need, starts shrinking, and squeezing you, and making you very uncomfortable. You'd never considered it before, but in light of this change to your environment, you realize that there is a way out. And the tighter your home squeezes you, the more appealing that exit becomes, until eventually you have no choice but to take it, even though it means leaving behind that comforting presence. Your home won't hold you anymore. It's rejected you.
You find yourself in an entirely new place, and everything is very bright and hard to see, your environment is colder than you even knew it could be, and you suddenly find that you have this strange movement in you that you're now very aware of, and you control it but you don't know what it's for. Beyond that, even, the one last thing you have that ties you to your old home is severed before you realize you still have it, and someone puts you somewhere relatively hard, quite uncomfortable, and gives you a sudden and shocking level of pain which jolts your entire body. So you breathe in air for the very first time, drying out parts of your insides, and you scream.
This is human birth. This is more or less what it's like to be born. I'm not sure about you, but that sounds pretty traumatic to me. Even if fetuses do want to be born, the experience in itself is really shocking, i think overwhelming. People in life often want things they've never experienced before and end up not liking it, or just being completely swept away by the experience of getting what they want, and then don't know what to do with themselves once they have it.
Fortunately for humans, the vast majority of the time, once we are born, we are immediately met with an equally overwhelming degree of love. By the nature of having been born, we inherit a very special and permanent relationship with another human who wants nothing but good things for us. In fact, once this human who's provided everything we've ever needed for us our entire lives inside the womb gets us out of their bodies, the first thing they do is start giving you more of what you need in milk. We are welcomed into this world by someone who has everything in the world to give us. They're grown, they understand, they're strong to keep us safe. Even babies who are born who don't stay with the person who birthed them are greeted with love when their new parent/s find them.
This human life is a gift--but that said, no one is immune to trauma. Arguably everyone is traumatized by the experience of their own birth. It's violent, inevitable, and with such limited experiences to reference upon by the time we experience it, it's all encompassing and world-ending. Even in the great big face of love we meet when we're born, we have no choice but to find a way to cope with this trauma. Most people simply forget it. The body has a natural method of relieving acute levels of stress in the form of a hormone, glucocorticoids, which has the effect of subduing all senses and emotions. This same natural response is the same hormone responsible for our inability to remember our traumas. In the process of subduing the body and mind, it actually does measurable damage to the hippocampus, where our memories are said to be processed and stored for later recollection. When we are unable to consciously process what's happening to us in a healthy way, we simply go numb, forget, and move on.
I find it fascinating that the inherent nature of the relationship between a mother and their child gives way for trauma to occur. Once you exist with enough complexity to be aware, you are comfortable, and the very first thing we do in this life is inevitably experience a great deal of discomfort. Mothers who want the child they're pregnant with want nothing but good things for that child, and then the first and biggest thing they give them is trauma. In this light, i feel inclined to state that trauma is not a bad thing. It's part of life. It's inevitable, even down the the very circumstances that allow you to exist as you do in the first place. You are what you are, with all your traumas.
One of the major cornerstones of my understanding of Life As We Know It is that Relationships Matter. Everyone has relationships, even if they end up going without maintenance. Every single person you interact with is someone with whom you have related in one way or another. Even the non-human animals, and the inanimate objects in your life relate to you, whether it's through use as a means to an end, consumption for sustenance, or simply something that triggers any kind of feeling in you.
Humans are related to the planet in the way that it gave birth to us, in a sense. We repeatedly put the atmosphere inside our bodies so we can reap what we need from it. That same atmosphere can cause us to experience tremendous fear when it starts to do things we don't like. Every hurricane we experience is a major discussion topic, as well as a root source of acute trauma in those who experience it first hand, who are ultimately affected by it in all the ways it takes what we have made or has been given to us by someone else who made it. We can't control the weather, we simply weather it.
I knew someone in high school who suffered a car wreck. From what i can recall, most all of the injuries suffered also healed fully, except for my friend's trauma. It was weeks before this person could comfortably sit in a moving car, and on one occasion, she was in a car with me and a couple of our mutual friends, and the person driving caused a fender bender by bumping into the car in front of us at a stop light. There was a small amount of damage to the car we hit, and everyone was totally fine, except for my friend. She had a full force panic attack in the hours following the incident. She'd been so traumatized by the car wreck she'd experienced some time before that that she couldn't cope with any kind of contact incident between vehicles for some time.
Many people suffer car wrecks and come out okay, if a little roughed up. Most of them continue to drive cars for the rest of their lives, and ultimately have no problem with the risk we run of having an incident every time any one of us gets behind the wheel. Different people experience trauma differently, and different experiences can cause traumas in different people, but we all have experienced trauma at some point or another.
Some people end up being forced to deal with their traumas by simply living life, and feeling as though they have no choice but to do that thing that triggers their PTSD. Eventually, we all figure out how to do the things we need to do. At the same time, most of us simply live with the discomfort of being triggered and just never do anything about it. It's survivable... which is not to say it's functional.
Even as brand new infants, we have autonomy, and agency. We determine ourselves how we choose to experience life. There are some behaviors that are the only one that makes sense. When we're newborn and get spanked, the only thing it makes sense to do is what you do instinctively, which is cry. At this point, you may argue that it happens whether we want it to or not, and that instincts are not choices, but as we age and practice our control over our autonomy, we begin doing things that do not come instinctively to us. We still also always have the option of listening to our instincts. Many people continue to listen to their instincts their entire lives and it works out just fine for them. It's still a choice. Whether we know it or not, it's a choice. Whether it's conscious or subconscious, it's a choice. Humans grew their own intelligence, and as a result, we have agency, and a responsibility to ourselves to utilize that agency.
People, every day, all over the world, including myself, choose to allow their instincts and emotions to lead their actions. We allow our PTSD to affect us in ways we don't want it to. We do things we don't want to, that has results we don't like. However, we can change this.
We can take it upon ourselves to address our traumas, find out what's stopping us from doing and getting what we want, and change those circumstances. It does us no good to blame our circumstances on outside forces we can't control, because that simply means we're forfeiting our power as humans with autonomy. Even when the traumas you've experienced were caused by outside forces, how you process, cope, or just deal with whatever you've been through is on you. You choose to perceive it. You choose what it means to you. You choose how, how much, or if something continues to affect you once the circumstances are different.
Another cornerstone of my understanding of Life As We Know It is that Pain and Discomfort are Symptoms of Change. I believe that humans need trauma and suffering in order to learn and grow. To reiterate, trauma is not a bad thing, but it also only serves a limited purpose, and much like many or all of the things humans process, it's better to let it pass away and to move on than it is to hold on to something that no longer serves you. You can do hard things. You can overcome whatever traumas you've been through, and you can grow and learn and become something bigger and better than you already are. All it takes is figuring out how to drop the weight.
Now imagine that one day, your safe space, your home, the place where you get everything you want and need, starts shrinking, and squeezing you, and making you very uncomfortable. You'd never considered it before, but in light of this change to your environment, you realize that there is a way out. And the tighter your home squeezes you, the more appealing that exit becomes, until eventually you have no choice but to take it, even though it means leaving behind that comforting presence. Your home won't hold you anymore. It's rejected you.
You find yourself in an entirely new place, and everything is very bright and hard to see, your environment is colder than you even knew it could be, and you suddenly find that you have this strange movement in you that you're now very aware of, and you control it but you don't know what it's for. Beyond that, even, the one last thing you have that ties you to your old home is severed before you realize you still have it, and someone puts you somewhere relatively hard, quite uncomfortable, and gives you a sudden and shocking level of pain which jolts your entire body. So you breathe in air for the very first time, drying out parts of your insides, and you scream.
This is human birth. This is more or less what it's like to be born. I'm not sure about you, but that sounds pretty traumatic to me. Even if fetuses do want to be born, the experience in itself is really shocking, i think overwhelming. People in life often want things they've never experienced before and end up not liking it, or just being completely swept away by the experience of getting what they want, and then don't know what to do with themselves once they have it.
Fortunately for humans, the vast majority of the time, once we are born, we are immediately met with an equally overwhelming degree of love. By the nature of having been born, we inherit a very special and permanent relationship with another human who wants nothing but good things for us. In fact, once this human who's provided everything we've ever needed for us our entire lives inside the womb gets us out of their bodies, the first thing they do is start giving you more of what you need in milk. We are welcomed into this world by someone who has everything in the world to give us. They're grown, they understand, they're strong to keep us safe. Even babies who are born who don't stay with the person who birthed them are greeted with love when their new parent/s find them.
This human life is a gift--but that said, no one is immune to trauma. Arguably everyone is traumatized by the experience of their own birth. It's violent, inevitable, and with such limited experiences to reference upon by the time we experience it, it's all encompassing and world-ending. Even in the great big face of love we meet when we're born, we have no choice but to find a way to cope with this trauma. Most people simply forget it. The body has a natural method of relieving acute levels of stress in the form of a hormone, glucocorticoids, which has the effect of subduing all senses and emotions. This same natural response is the same hormone responsible for our inability to remember our traumas. In the process of subduing the body and mind, it actually does measurable damage to the hippocampus, where our memories are said to be processed and stored for later recollection. When we are unable to consciously process what's happening to us in a healthy way, we simply go numb, forget, and move on.
I find it fascinating that the inherent nature of the relationship between a mother and their child gives way for trauma to occur. Once you exist with enough complexity to be aware, you are comfortable, and the very first thing we do in this life is inevitably experience a great deal of discomfort. Mothers who want the child they're pregnant with want nothing but good things for that child, and then the first and biggest thing they give them is trauma. In this light, i feel inclined to state that trauma is not a bad thing. It's part of life. It's inevitable, even down the the very circumstances that allow you to exist as you do in the first place. You are what you are, with all your traumas.
One of the major cornerstones of my understanding of Life As We Know It is that Relationships Matter. Everyone has relationships, even if they end up going without maintenance. Every single person you interact with is someone with whom you have related in one way or another. Even the non-human animals, and the inanimate objects in your life relate to you, whether it's through use as a means to an end, consumption for sustenance, or simply something that triggers any kind of feeling in you.
Humans are related to the planet in the way that it gave birth to us, in a sense. We repeatedly put the atmosphere inside our bodies so we can reap what we need from it. That same atmosphere can cause us to experience tremendous fear when it starts to do things we don't like. Every hurricane we experience is a major discussion topic, as well as a root source of acute trauma in those who experience it first hand, who are ultimately affected by it in all the ways it takes what we have made or has been given to us by someone else who made it. We can't control the weather, we simply weather it.
I knew someone in high school who suffered a car wreck. From what i can recall, most all of the injuries suffered also healed fully, except for my friend's trauma. It was weeks before this person could comfortably sit in a moving car, and on one occasion, she was in a car with me and a couple of our mutual friends, and the person driving caused a fender bender by bumping into the car in front of us at a stop light. There was a small amount of damage to the car we hit, and everyone was totally fine, except for my friend. She had a full force panic attack in the hours following the incident. She'd been so traumatized by the car wreck she'd experienced some time before that that she couldn't cope with any kind of contact incident between vehicles for some time.
Many people suffer car wrecks and come out okay, if a little roughed up. Most of them continue to drive cars for the rest of their lives, and ultimately have no problem with the risk we run of having an incident every time any one of us gets behind the wheel. Different people experience trauma differently, and different experiences can cause traumas in different people, but we all have experienced trauma at some point or another.
Some people end up being forced to deal with their traumas by simply living life, and feeling as though they have no choice but to do that thing that triggers their PTSD. Eventually, we all figure out how to do the things we need to do. At the same time, most of us simply live with the discomfort of being triggered and just never do anything about it. It's survivable... which is not to say it's functional.
Even as brand new infants, we have autonomy, and agency. We determine ourselves how we choose to experience life. There are some behaviors that are the only one that makes sense. When we're newborn and get spanked, the only thing it makes sense to do is what you do instinctively, which is cry. At this point, you may argue that it happens whether we want it to or not, and that instincts are not choices, but as we age and practice our control over our autonomy, we begin doing things that do not come instinctively to us. We still also always have the option of listening to our instincts. Many people continue to listen to their instincts their entire lives and it works out just fine for them. It's still a choice. Whether we know it or not, it's a choice. Whether it's conscious or subconscious, it's a choice. Humans grew their own intelligence, and as a result, we have agency, and a responsibility to ourselves to utilize that agency.
People, every day, all over the world, including myself, choose to allow their instincts and emotions to lead their actions. We allow our PTSD to affect us in ways we don't want it to. We do things we don't want to, that has results we don't like. However, we can change this.
We can take it upon ourselves to address our traumas, find out what's stopping us from doing and getting what we want, and change those circumstances. It does us no good to blame our circumstances on outside forces we can't control, because that simply means we're forfeiting our power as humans with autonomy. Even when the traumas you've experienced were caused by outside forces, how you process, cope, or just deal with whatever you've been through is on you. You choose to perceive it. You choose what it means to you. You choose how, how much, or if something continues to affect you once the circumstances are different.
Another cornerstone of my understanding of Life As We Know It is that Pain and Discomfort are Symptoms of Change. I believe that humans need trauma and suffering in order to learn and grow. To reiterate, trauma is not a bad thing, but it also only serves a limited purpose, and much like many or all of the things humans process, it's better to let it pass away and to move on than it is to hold on to something that no longer serves you. You can do hard things. You can overcome whatever traumas you've been through, and you can grow and learn and become something bigger and better than you already are. All it takes is figuring out how to drop the weight.
"...figuring out how to drop the weight". That's a big deal. Probably the "weightiest" comment in your post. Most don't know how. So they continue to suffer their trauma over and over and do the best they can to cope by whatever means available because they don't know how to "drop the weight".
ReplyDelete"...trauma is not a bad thing". Only if one can let it go. Only when one can revisit that story and feel neutral about it. Undisturbed by it. Until then, it affects their life in ways that can literally put them on drugs, destroy their lives and even put them in an institution. There's nothing good about having trauma. But there's plenty good about not having it. About being released from it.
And as far as the trauma of being born is concerned, nobody escapes that one. Yet I've never heard of anyone suffering from it. Mostly the trauma of birth is found in what the fetus feel while in the womb. Loved and safe? Wanted? Or not loved. Not wanted. Not safe. That's where most trauma comes from concerning birth. Not much about the transition. Although I have also thought about this. Sort of like jumping into a cold lake. But we choose to do this. And a baby chooses to come out of the womb. Different personalities will create different birth experiences. Your sister Danielle taught me this. She was particularly adamant about getting out of the womb! And in no uncertain terms! Boy howdy! LOL!
Also, I don't see anywhere on this page: http://www.healthline.com/health/glucocorticoids#overview1
where it says glucocorticoids has the effect of subduing all senses and emotions. Where did you find this information?
You still fail to understand my worldview without the filter of "good and bad." There are only things we do and don't want. We don't know anyone who suffers from PTSD as a result of their own birth because we are capable of healing from our traumas, especially in the circumstances that someone is there to help us heal and cope, and such are most people's circumstances. But ask a little kid who was abandoned after birth. They won't remember, but they've certainly been traumatized by the lack of something that we may not necessarily need in order to survive, which is a channel of coping with and healing from the trauma of birth.
DeleteI haven't been able to find my source again, so i guess you got me. However, the link you posted in your comment is about glucocorticoids as a drug substance, rather than a naturally occurring hormone in the body. When i was reading about it, it was in a page specifically about trauma and what happens in the brain during trauma. The shock response that follows the healthy stress response to a traumatic event is at least partially attributable to glucocorticoids, which also inhibit memory processing. Senses and emotions are subdued while experiencing psychological shock, and while the information has been largely elusive, i remain convinced that glucocorticoids play a major role in the subduing of experiencing the trauma while it redirects the energy stores in the body to function differently as a coping machanism. It puts you on hardcore survival mode, where outside resources are limited.
Also, maybe Danielle did really want to be born, but do you remember what my birth was like? Everyone is different. And again, we want things we haven't had yet and can't possibly know what it will be like once we have it. Stillborns are born without even the ability to choose for their lack of life. The womb and hormonal cycles of the parent body causes birth, not the fetus.
Delete