What Do You Mean; To Be Human

  If you're a regular reader, by now you know that i'm a fan of controversial opinions. Here's another one; endings are healthy and necessary. This sounds like a simple truth, but i mean things like death, wildfires, breakups, leaving things behind, etcetera. From what i understand, many and most people greet these kinds of experiences with sorrow, anger, feelings of injustice, and especially fear of the unknown to follow. There are perfectly natural and healthy responses, but on the other hand, our disdain for these feelings causes us to avoid  endings, often at somewhat extreme costs.   I genetically inherited impacted wisdom teeth. Just two of them. We found out about this when i was around maybe fourteen? I'm not certain, but i've known for years that i had impacted wisdom teeth. I've learned that our family dentist saw the position my teeth were in and his prognosis was to wait until they were closer to the surface to have them removed, considering the ex...

Imagine you live underwater. Not just underwater, but in a relatively small space, where everything you've ever wanted or needed has been readily available to you your entire life. You don't have to do any hard work, you're almost completely comfortable, and any pain or discomfort you've experienced has been mild and shortlived. Someone's voice is always there, always the same voice, a perpetual and familiar presence. This is your entire life. Now imagine that one day, your safe space, your home, the place where you get everything you want and need, starts shrinking, and squeezing you, and making you very uncomfortable. You'd never considered it before, but in light of this change to your environment, you realize that there is a way out. And the tighter your home squeezes you, the more appealing that exit becomes, until eventually you have no choice but to take it, even though it means leaving behind that comforting presence. Your home won't hold you anymo...

I spend an unfortunate amount of my time feeling frustrated and emotionally uncomfortable. Which is just a little ironic, considering how when i think of this, i feel frustrated and emotionally uncomfortable about  how often i already feel that way. It's one of those difficult-to-break-free-from, self-perpetuating cycles. But here's where i believe the source is: Today, i worked a regular morning shift at the coffee shop where i'm employed, and i was in a relatively good mood. I was engaging with each customer, asking "how are you?" to most everyone i spoke with, singing along to the songs i knew, running between the drive window and the espresso machine when it was busy. I've been pretty low for a while because my poor health had been pressing on me like a heavy yolk, but once i had my impacted wisdom teeth removed, i started to feel better, i have more energy again now. And yet, the subjects of the conversation i shared with my coworkers in the duration ...

If this isn't the first post of mine you've read, then you've probably noticed that i do not capitalize the supposedly proper noun "i." If it is the first post of mine you're reading, you are certain to notice below. I used to be a bit of a grammar nazi. I was one of those assholes that would correct others online and refuse to finish reading anything with grammar too poor in my hoity opinion. English was my favorite subject through all of school. Spelling was something that didn't always come naturally to me. The first time i ever cheated on a test, like actually cheated with a cheat sheet and everything, was on a spelling test in i think fourth grade. I wanted to be better at it so badly. I wanted the grades that made me feel like i knew what i was doing. When i got into junior high, i started learning about the finer qualities of grammar in my english classes, and those did  start to come naturally to me. Understanding the difference between minor g...

In the first season of Star Trek: Voyager, there's an episode in which Janeway and the crew take shore leave on a planet called Sikaris. When they arrive, it's in response to a distress call, sent by the people of the planet. They make contact, and Gath of Sikaris tells them that they are in distress, and that he is offering shore leave, food, and abundant hospitality. They've heard of Voyager's plight, stories of the ship stranded far from home, and they want to meet these people! It would be a great pleasure to the people of Sikaris to host Voyagers crew and captain, and that is what these people live for. Pleasure. For the better part of the episode, all is well and good, and Janeway even has a relationship with Gath that may suggest some romance. However, the people on this planet have technology that would allow Voyager to leap more than halfway home, and they won't share it, although the crew is more than welcome to a vast number of any other pleasures Sika...

Hello reader! ... How strange to actually be addressing someone as i type. Writing with the intention of what i write being read. I've found myself staring off into space more frequently lately than what i believe to be usual. In retrospect, suddenly, the state i enter reminds me of that state of mind you find when you've done psychedelic drugs and they're wearing off and you've been following this thought train aimlessly and it's been quite cathartic and entertaining but it's inevitably led you down the train of thought that seems to run in circles, it doesn't matter , and you're painfully aware of how pointless it all is--or it would be painful if you could be bothered to care. That feeling. The feeling one couldn't possibly put a term or phrase to because words are as pointless as using the term "pointless" to describe the feeling, which couldn't be bothered to speak at all. I always snap out of it, usually rather quickly, but as...