Me, My Self, and Lowercase I; The Harmony of Human Language
If this isn't the first post of mine you've read, then you've probably noticed that i do not capitalize the supposedly proper noun "i." If it is the first post of mine you're reading, you are certain to notice below.
I used to be a bit of a grammar nazi. I was one of those assholes that would correct others online and refuse to finish reading anything with grammar too poor in my hoity opinion. English was my favorite subject through all of school. Spelling was something that didn't always come naturally to me. The first time i ever cheated on a test, like actually cheated with a cheat sheet and everything, was on a spelling test in i think fourth grade. I wanted to be better at it so badly. I wanted the grades that made me feel like i knew what i was doing.
When i got into junior high, i started learning about the finer qualities of grammar in my english classes, and those did start to come naturally to me. Understanding the difference between minor grammatical details and how those differences changed the meaning of the words was a big deal to me, because i'm a highly emotional person, and communication is the foundation of all our relationships, and i had a bit of a difficult time with being understood, especially by those older and with more authority than me. I'm not sure how many others i share this experience with, but being misunderstood, not being listened to, and being taken lightly were things that seriously hindered my happiness growing up, mostly as an adolescent (lol said the 20 year old--i'm basically still a child). But knowing about grammar made me feel like i knew what i was doing, and when i started getting tested on my grammar i discovered that i was good at it. I am quite fluent in english.
I don't just speak english though. In junior high i took an Introduction to Foreign Languages course in which i learned one trimester's worth of Spanish, French, and German each. I decided i wanted to learn French and actually took... what, two years of French classes? In high school. And now, because of the lovely little conveniences of my modern life, i'm using the app Duolingo to learn Danish.
There is not a single other language i am yet aware of whose grammatical rules dictate that when referring infinitively to oneself, the equivalent of "i" must be capitalized. That's a solely English thing--again, only as far as i'm aware. But when i first considered this, i soon after came to the conclusion that capitalizing "i" is bullshit. I'm not so Great that i deserve to be capitalized every time i refer to myself. I find it absurd. Of course the culture that took over the world has egocentric grammatical values. I'm not surprised by it. But i take pride in my participation in counter-culture. This includes owning my poetic license and sort of bending the existing grammar rules to my own specifications, most especially in the light that by doing so, i will be better understood by the fact that i use the same words in different ways.
Another thing though was the aesthetic. "I" being capitalized looks so... official. I think it takes itself too seriously, and i'm not about that life. I'm not drafting formal documents, no one important will sign at the bottom of my blog, and the point of it is far from Being Taken Seriously (although i would and do deeply appreciate being taken seriously). I'm kind of a lighthearted person, and especially the kind of person who makes up their own rules when they don't like the ones other people have made up. All rules are made up anyway.
I love language passionately. I want to become as fluent as possible in as many languages as i can in my life. The more versatile ways you can communicate, the more likely you are to be well understood. I ultimately want to be able to communicate with everyone, no matter what one's native tongue may be. In addition, the versatility of human language is like a harmony, everyone speaking and clicking and singing and gesturing all at once all around the world. It's something i feel really sentimental about, i get rosy about words.
The language i am most fluent in is poetry. In prose, one expects a point to be made through the standard organization of a sentence, punctuation, subject and adjective placements. Prose is arguably structured. Poetry, however, prioritizes an entirely different thing, and still makes a point. It's vague and airy and often confusing, but always lovely, even when vulgar or depressing. I specialize in free verse, which i find kind of funny because poetry is language with different rules, but free verse is poetry with fewer rules. I have such a strong desire to be understood, but i also often prioritize my expression through the words over the understandability of my work to it's readers. This blog is actually a noteworthy challenge for me because i write on it so it will be read, and especially be understood.
As always, balance is key. I want to be myself, and i want to be relatable. While these things aren't at all mutually exclusive, they also don't necessarily go hand in hand. I view myself as a more unique individual than "normal," and i truly hope that those who do relate to me will meet me halfway. I use words, which are limited, and sometimes frustrating for me, and you read them and try to understand what i intend to communicate, all while oh-so-kindly ignoring my rebellious neglect of the capitalization of "i."
What a funny life we live that i even feel the need to address this. I expect, daresay i fear, that choosing not to capitalize "i" will deter some from my reading my blog, much like myself when i was more anal about grammar and refused to partake of anything that didn't meet my high standards, at least as far as laypeople go. From time to time i notice my self-contradictions, and while i could call it hypocrisy, i choose to perceive it as balance in changeablity. There may come a day when the grammatical rule in English that dictates that "i" should be capitalized will be revoked. I have no expectations of this happening though. I am small, and English-speakers are many, and so far i don't make the rules. Maybe one day i will. I think that would be pretty rad.
However, i have other priorities. I don't have time to hold shift anytime i refer to myself, which is often. I do, however, have time to write an entire blog post about how i don't capitalize "i." I hope i've made myself clear. Simply an opinion. And i hope you choose to keep reading. The beat of the drum i march to may be my own, but we're all still making music together.
I used to be a bit of a grammar nazi. I was one of those assholes that would correct others online and refuse to finish reading anything with grammar too poor in my hoity opinion. English was my favorite subject through all of school. Spelling was something that didn't always come naturally to me. The first time i ever cheated on a test, like actually cheated with a cheat sheet and everything, was on a spelling test in i think fourth grade. I wanted to be better at it so badly. I wanted the grades that made me feel like i knew what i was doing.
When i got into junior high, i started learning about the finer qualities of grammar in my english classes, and those did start to come naturally to me. Understanding the difference between minor grammatical details and how those differences changed the meaning of the words was a big deal to me, because i'm a highly emotional person, and communication is the foundation of all our relationships, and i had a bit of a difficult time with being understood, especially by those older and with more authority than me. I'm not sure how many others i share this experience with, but being misunderstood, not being listened to, and being taken lightly were things that seriously hindered my happiness growing up, mostly as an adolescent (lol said the 20 year old--i'm basically still a child). But knowing about grammar made me feel like i knew what i was doing, and when i started getting tested on my grammar i discovered that i was good at it. I am quite fluent in english.
I don't just speak english though. In junior high i took an Introduction to Foreign Languages course in which i learned one trimester's worth of Spanish, French, and German each. I decided i wanted to learn French and actually took... what, two years of French classes? In high school. And now, because of the lovely little conveniences of my modern life, i'm using the app Duolingo to learn Danish.
There is not a single other language i am yet aware of whose grammatical rules dictate that when referring infinitively to oneself, the equivalent of "i" must be capitalized. That's a solely English thing--again, only as far as i'm aware. But when i first considered this, i soon after came to the conclusion that capitalizing "i" is bullshit. I'm not so Great that i deserve to be capitalized every time i refer to myself. I find it absurd. Of course the culture that took over the world has egocentric grammatical values. I'm not surprised by it. But i take pride in my participation in counter-culture. This includes owning my poetic license and sort of bending the existing grammar rules to my own specifications, most especially in the light that by doing so, i will be better understood by the fact that i use the same words in different ways.
Another thing though was the aesthetic. "I" being capitalized looks so... official. I think it takes itself too seriously, and i'm not about that life. I'm not drafting formal documents, no one important will sign at the bottom of my blog, and the point of it is far from Being Taken Seriously (although i would and do deeply appreciate being taken seriously). I'm kind of a lighthearted person, and especially the kind of person who makes up their own rules when they don't like the ones other people have made up. All rules are made up anyway.
I love language passionately. I want to become as fluent as possible in as many languages as i can in my life. The more versatile ways you can communicate, the more likely you are to be well understood. I ultimately want to be able to communicate with everyone, no matter what one's native tongue may be. In addition, the versatility of human language is like a harmony, everyone speaking and clicking and singing and gesturing all at once all around the world. It's something i feel really sentimental about, i get rosy about words.
The language i am most fluent in is poetry. In prose, one expects a point to be made through the standard organization of a sentence, punctuation, subject and adjective placements. Prose is arguably structured. Poetry, however, prioritizes an entirely different thing, and still makes a point. It's vague and airy and often confusing, but always lovely, even when vulgar or depressing. I specialize in free verse, which i find kind of funny because poetry is language with different rules, but free verse is poetry with fewer rules. I have such a strong desire to be understood, but i also often prioritize my expression through the words over the understandability of my work to it's readers. This blog is actually a noteworthy challenge for me because i write on it so it will be read, and especially be understood.
As always, balance is key. I want to be myself, and i want to be relatable. While these things aren't at all mutually exclusive, they also don't necessarily go hand in hand. I view myself as a more unique individual than "normal," and i truly hope that those who do relate to me will meet me halfway. I use words, which are limited, and sometimes frustrating for me, and you read them and try to understand what i intend to communicate, all while oh-so-kindly ignoring my rebellious neglect of the capitalization of "i."
What a funny life we live that i even feel the need to address this. I expect, daresay i fear, that choosing not to capitalize "i" will deter some from my reading my blog, much like myself when i was more anal about grammar and refused to partake of anything that didn't meet my high standards, at least as far as laypeople go. From time to time i notice my self-contradictions, and while i could call it hypocrisy, i choose to perceive it as balance in changeablity. There may come a day when the grammatical rule in English that dictates that "i" should be capitalized will be revoked. I have no expectations of this happening though. I am small, and English-speakers are many, and so far i don't make the rules. Maybe one day i will. I think that would be pretty rad.
However, i have other priorities. I don't have time to hold shift anytime i refer to myself, which is often. I do, however, have time to write an entire blog post about how i don't capitalize "i." I hope i've made myself clear. Simply an opinion. And i hope you choose to keep reading. The beat of the drum i march to may be my own, but we're all still making music together.
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