Turbulence as a Resource; Tapping Your Wellness

     My late experiences of choosing to be more authentic have been fascinating, nerve-racking, and fulfilling, almost in equal measure. For example, this morning I had an aspy moment, and I told the girl I was working with that I wanted to stop hearing her complain, and we had a short moment of tension. I immediately apologized when I realized I was hurting her feelings, and the rest of the shift following this interaction was great! We got along, and I learned some new things about this person that helped me to appreciate her more as a person, while previously I disliked her, frankly due to her being kind of a shitty employee. By the end of this shift, I was in a better mood than I've been finding myself lately by pure nature, and on days I find myself facing similar kinds of challenges in how I relate to the people around me. 

     Later in this same day, when I pulled into the parking lot at my apartment building, as I walked from my car to the building, someone seated in their car with the door open stood to say, "Hey, can I ask you a quick question?" I obliged, and she asked me, "You're a witch, right?" At which, I tentatively confirmed that I suppose, I could say I am a witch. In fact I often do, when it suits me, which has been more often lately. This woman, simply dressed in comfortable clothes, with her toddler in the opposite seat, playing with the locks of the car, asked if she could pick my brain. I had no idea such a question was so tantalizing to me before today. I love to answer questions, especially considering that I know a little bit of a lot of things, and I have a habit I love of seeing correlations and making connections and finding causes that may only exist if you believe in them. My belief in authentic magic grows stronger as I continue to grow and learn about myself, as well as in continued conversations with like-minded people--and those whose opinions differ from my own, alike. 

     It is quite possible that one of the many gateways to learning to use authentic magic could be found in the lifestyle process of being one's authentic self. Out of curiosity, I've tested myself against the 5 Love Languages interpretation of communication, as well as against the Myers-Brigg's personality and character assessment, to see what these analyses would tell me about myself. My curiosity to see what these kinds of things say about me is common, as many people use these tests and systems as ways of understanding why they are the way they are, as well as to help them accept themselves by observing uncomfortable characteristics in a new, and hopefully more positive light. 

     For example, one of the result statistics the Myers-Brigg's lists for it's patrons is an "Identity" comparison, where you are one part Assertive, and one part Turbulent. My results told me that I am 18% Assertive, and 82% Turbulent. This troubled me on first sight, at the same time it made me laugh out loud. Typically in my experience, turbulence is met with generally negative reactions. I once watched a video about dogs being man's best friend wherein the speaker explained how imbalance and volatility are untrustworthy traits, and while that's definitely an excerpt from a talk about a different matter altogether, that one bit of information stuck out to me. I've often described myself as being volatile. This isn't something I tend to view with a negative attitude, although it does make me feel wary when this trait rears it's head, and "turbulent" is absolutely synonymous. It made me think of airplanes. 

     It should be known, if you're not familiar with my other posts, I have many strong feelings about the sky, (I even like to call "her" my "girlfriend"), and I love flying. Turbulence excites me. I understand the science behind it, I know why it happens, and it doesn't scare me. I see it as being what it is: A shuddering through an airplane as a result of the higher levels of friction created by flying through clouds and strong winds. Human bodies shudder too. 

     Not terribly long ago, I experienced some really extreme emotions as a result of watching an incredibly controversial film on Netflix titled Bright. My primary partner and I have just slightly differing views on the existence of and reasons behind racism, and while we rally for the same goals, our attitudes have often rubbed each other the wrong way when we discuss this topic. This entire film revolves around the subject of Race. It was extremely triggering to observe, and I'm the type that sort of enjoys being mildly triggered. I love scary movies, and controversial films. This movie was not my issue, but my partner's commentary was. After some heated discussion, and after begrudgingly listening to him explain his stance on the issue, I was experiencing full body tremors. This is an issue I feel very personally about, despite the fact that I do not belong to a systematically oppressed race, and I was heated. Hearing his words made me feel attacked. 

     Another aspect I observed while reading my Myers-Brigg's results is that I have a burning inner flame which I've interpreted as the intensity of my emotions. I felt breached and compromised by the things my partner was saying in this instance, and that inner flame got so hot that even my physical body became as turbulent as my thoughts and emotions often are. This is not a sign of weakness in my eyes, it's a sign of depth. Of intensity. The turbulence passengers experience on airplanes is a symptom of the immense power of the forces in play, the Earth's atmosphere against a massive, flying, man-made machine. 

     In choosing to become more authentic with my self and those I interact with, I'm discovering untapped resources all around and inside of me. The conversations I get into are becoming more interesting and informative--I recently had someone tell me I should look into Alan Watts, and I'm looking forward to knowing more about this person as the name is familiar to me from other conversations I've had. I'm learning that the more trusting I am, (which I'm more trusting than not by nature, I believe) the more frequently things seem to play out in my favor. Someone I care for uses the word "manifesting," and that term has become thematic to me in recent events. 

     I feel that the occult does not call on many, but those it does call upon are endowed with unique abilities of manifesting their desires in inexplicable ways. Those who are called upon by other walks of life, such as medicine, educational careers, scientific discovery, or simply having a way with words, no matter what your affinity may be, there will always be untapped resources, outside as well as within you. If you have a hobby, delve into it. See if you can find a way to use it to support you. If you have a simple special skill, look for ways of applying it to new situations. More things tend to be like one another than we seem to give credit to--and I can't say I'm better than anyone else at catching these new opportunities when they present themselves, as often the opportunities are so subtle and slip away effervescently. But I know I believe in magic, and while many may have opposing or differing views on what exactly authentic magic may be, I believe it's a resource I can tap into, because I see it all around me. When serendipity occurs, I believe that's magic at play. When placebos have the full intended effect, that's something I believe functions on the mode of magic, much like the way hydraulics function using water. When I choose to wear semi-precious stones and crystals for their alleged metaphysical qualities, I can use my agency to endow those material objects with the power to offer me their effects. The rocks themselves aren't magic... but they're a hell of a tool. 

     I believe in the Fake It 'Til You Make It method. As long as you allow yourself to be changeable, human and adaptable, and as long as you are willing to be uncomfortable, you can learn anything, especially if it's something you want to know about. I want magic to be real enough so that I've surpassed wanting it, and I've settled into simply believing in it. I have a Mormon-raised faith in authentic magic. 

     Today my partner and I were sitting to talk, and he was describing to me how he doesn't believe in "God," (though if you call him an atheist, he'll fight you) he simply believes in the connections between us, and that correlations, if they can be observed and "proved" to the best of human ability, are all that should be considered. He used the word "principle," and it occurred to me he seems to believe in the Principle of the Universe, not terribly unlike my father, who I see as a sage and wise old man. I absolutely agree with him, as my new favorite "god" to pray to is formally Nothing, because our existing concept of God is something that exists outside His creation, and His creation is our entire universe. In this context, in regards to things that exist outside our universe, there is Everything Else, God, and Nothing, and these things, for all intents and purposes, are perfectly interchangeable. 

     We are made of God because we are made of Matter, and Matter exists as vibrations on a sub-atomic level, and if you believe in the immeasurably subtle energy I believe in, souls, consciousness, then all that we see is variations of the same thing, different consistencies, colors, with different properties and functions in their environments. This, to me, is an essentially infinite resource, and I intend to find ways to harness that resource. I've been finding them. Maybe this all looks like nonsense to you, and you have no idea what I'm talking about. No matter, in essence, what this post is trying to communicate is that there is always room for improvement. You don't need to change in order to be better, because change is inevitable. You can carry on as you are, and in order to get what you want, experiment a little. Try relaxing and doing things just the tiniest bit differently. Try asserting yourself a little more, or taking control if you feel the desire to, given it's a safe space for you to do that. It can all be so confusing when you think about something--anything--too much, because we as human being are expertly complex creatures who have evolved an ability to perceive patterns that easily may not physically exist; however, that negative space of non-physical existence holds equal value to anything that you can see or touch. 

     A cup is never half empty, nor half full. There is only ever the elements, glass, water, and air, that make up what is. I heard someone say, "focus on things that are real," and while that may be slightly different for everyone, more difficult for some than for others, it stands out to me as a way of staying grounded, and maintaining a balance between the mind, body, and essence. A simple resource that may one day help me learn to perform authentic magic.